Help after having a baby is seriously priceless. I have such a hard time asking for help from anyone, no matter how clearly I need it, that it is a blessing to have women who will volunteer it without having to ask. I do feel pretty good for just having birthed a large baby, and if it were up to me I would probably just do everything myself, even if that meant pushing myself too far. It’s funny, when you hear “take care of yourself” you know that it means, be careful and take it easy, but in the moment, unless it is causing real pain or obvious strain you often don’t realize that you still may be doing too much. So even though it’s not my first instinct to take the help, I am forcing myself to accept all that is offered and ask for more if needs be, absolutely guilt free while recovering and adjusting to two. After all, it’s not like this time comes around very often.
I have had my boys to myself now for the first time since the new baby arrived, and so far so good. I haven’t gotten myself ready still, but I have changed a few diapers and fed my babies. Necessities met. J is now asleep next to me on the couch, and Ez is asleep at my feet in his swing. The house is quiet and peaceful and feels amazingly comfortable. It used to be, that when J was napping, I would feel a little lonely, but I have to say that with E here there’s not even an inkling of loneliness floating around. I LOVE this…
I’ve enjoyed watching Jonah in all of this transition time. Sometimes my heart breaks for him as I see him looking for attention, and he will stop what he is doing and look for eye contact from me or daddy, then sometimes its just funny to watch his face – like when I feed Ezra – he furrows his brows with curiosity when he sees my nipple… yes this is a little awkward – but that is nothing… What’s really awkward is when J will attempt to put his mouth on the side of my boob while I am feeding E and pretend to be drinking as well. hahaha I’m sure that for some women this is nothing – heck, J is only two and some women are still nursing their two year olds. But for me, we weened 10 months or so ago and I have grown accustomed to my privacy and space again. I think I really surprised J today though when I was getting ready to feed Ez and I squirt milk across the room. Oh I know, I know, this is just too much information to be sharing over the open world of the internet, but I just don’t care. It made me laugh and I want to share it! I enjoyed the surprise in his eyes so much that I adjusted my aim and tried for his face. BULLSEYE! Oh he never smiled or laughed, just wiped his face and furrowed his brows again. I was baffled at the distance I was getting and even shot for the TV… yep. Got it. These are the moments where you stop thinking about how uncomfortably large your new nursing boobs are and see them with new possibilities.