Intention and Inclinations | Crime and Punishment

I want to just drop in and say hello.  I’ve not much to say… though actually I have so much to say that I don’t even know where to start.  Life.  Oh life.  It’s definitely that time of year where all you see around you is what everyone else is accomplishing, and you are stuck looking blankly at around your house, date book, or your computer – wherever you find yourself.  There’s not time for dodling and staring into space, and you know it.  So after you make a giant to do list, and start blocking out a full and absolutely efficient schedule for yourself, you give it a stare, and then 10 mins later find yourself engrossed in a novel that you most certainly have no time for…

Good intentions, big plans, optimistic goals find their way into the strong jaws of my natural inclination toward distraction and procrastination… that fight against yourself will surely be a long and grueling one Mae Mae.  But hey, this book has long awaited it’s turn.  I started the book probably 8 years ago?  Can’t say for sure, but even though it is a great book, it too became a victim of my ADD and brain clutter long ago.  I attempted a handful of times to battle the beast but it never won out against the other creative projects I recklessly piled myself under or to the romantic Jane Austin.  I mean, lets be honest here… apples to apples: Pride and Prejudice vs Crime and Punishment… Who do you think would win out?  Both uncovering societal struggles of their time and both with their own love stories… but, well, Crime and Punishment has a way of swallowing whole any shred of positive energy you may have.  When I am reading it, I am fully engulfed and not at all bothered by its bleak heaviness, but the second I put it down I find that I have been drained emotionally, mentally, and even physically.  I haven’t the will to do anything… not to say it isn’t a great and worthwhile read. And then you have Jane Austin. Who has ever walked away from any of her books feeling lifeless and depressed?  But finally I couldn’t look at Crime and Punishment sitting half read on my bookshelf any longer, and committed myself to be depressed for as long as it took to read the remaining 400 pages.

So here I am, a smelly beast buried under dirty dishes and loads and loads of laundry.  My hubby has no clue whats up with me and you know, it’s amazing how quickly life can unravel.  I guess it’s really no different than trying to lose weight – it can take weeks to fix the damage of a single bad day.  So does that make this read my equivalent of a batch of cookie dough consumed by yours truly in one sitting?  What about doing that for three days in a row?  How much has that set me back?… yeah.  That’s about where my house is.  I’m probably going to have to call in for backup.  It’s time to pull out the paper dishes.  Oh, and I haven’t done more than look at the red and green Christmas bins that are stacked in my living room.  But at least Jonah has something to climb on and possibly knock over, right?  What’s a little more heart burn over nothing?

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This image came from my Pumpkin Patch batch, but I thought it suited this post…

 

 

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